13 Nov People work perfectly to produce the results they’re getting.
So what you are experiencing is exactly what you want to be experiencing…on some level. Ok wait! Before you get indignant and click out of here, let me explain. I get it; this one was hard for me to understand at first. Stick with me, we’ll walk through it together.
If I keep telling myself “I don’t belong here”, then I’m going to be focused on any and all evidence that proves that to me.
Why? Remember the previous posts where we talked about the brain and survival? Our brains are meaning making, meaning reaffirming machines. The brain likes to categorize; it needs to filter information in the most efficient way possible.
That’s it’s job. And it likes to be right. Right = Protection = Survival. So that belief about not belonging? Your brain will do what it takes to make that true…that might be misplacing the call-in information so you show up late or can’t show up at all; or convincing yourself that the question you have is stupid so you don’t engage; or telling yourself that other people are better than you so you withdraw to a corner; or feel anxious so your body shuts down and you get sick and aren’t able to attend. These are all examples of ways the brain subconsciously supports the belief that you don’t belong.
So how would the belief “I don’t belong” benefit someone? Well, we’d have to ask the person experiencing it; everyone is different. But we do know that if it is happening repeatedly, there is some payoff. All behavior has a positive intention.
Perhaps there is a part of you that believes that it’s actually easier to be on the outside. Maybe it’s protection from being disappointed or let down. There are a ton of possibilities; everyone has different experiences so there reasons vary.
Taking a look at what you are experiencing and reflecting on how that pattern could be benefiting some part of you is really helpful in changing the pattern. We have to step back before we can move forward.
Share in the comments about what you’ve discovered about what you’re experiencing.